9 Things You Should Never Say to a Military Spouse
It astonishes me the things people will say, especially when they don't understand the life you're living.
Here are my top 9 least favorite things people have said to me thus far. If you find yourself wanting to say any of these, just don't.
- You chose this life
- My spouse travels for work, so I totally know what you're going through
- I don't know how you do it!
- It will go fast
- I'm sure you're used to it by now
- When are you visiting us?
- Have they ever killed anyone?
- Don't you miss them?
- Moving must be easy since they pack for you
You Chose This Life
I did; that means the good and the bad. I have yet to find someone who doesn't complain about their job or the people they work with, does that mean I should respond the same way?
I Totally Get It
Once I was told "My spouse travels for work so I totally get it..." Umm... I like to describe the military as a lifestyle, not a job. Just because my husband is supposed to come home on a specific date does not mean it's guaranteed; honestly, I don't believe it until he's walked through the door. It also consists of more than just traveling; long work hours with no overtime, planning trips just to cancel them because he has to leave, not knowing your next move, or when you're moving, until a few months before.
I Don't Know How You Do It
Yeah me either, don't remind me, haha!
It Will Go Fast
This might be the worst one yet. It might, it might not. But like I said earlier, you never truly know when they come back, whether it's from school or deployment. On top of that, half the time their service is terrible so phone calls are tough, or they're in a different timezone so finding a time to talk is just as difficult as the poor service; no matter what, things are always up in the air.
I'm Sure You're Used To It
Short answer, no.
When Are You Visiting?
Rarely do people fully understand the military lifestyle, or they think they understand, but ultimately, they don't. It's difficult to plan, especially for events far into the future; if you want to see us, come to us.
Have They Ever Killed Anyone?
This doesn't need an explanation.
Do You Miss Them?
Yes, duh. Just because we find ways to cope with the distance or hobbies to keep us distracted doesn't mean it gets easier the more they're gone.
Moving Must Be Easy
You would think it would be... But before the movers get there, you have to go through your things and separate the things you want to bring with you. You also don't choose how your things are packed if they're packed well, what they're packed with, etc. When you're unpacking, you never know what you'll be opening, your pots and pans may be with your sweaters, your kitchen table will have new scratches, and you'll have to figure out what's missing... Basically, making the unpacking process 3x as long.
